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The other week I was sat in Mc Donald's, reading an expat newspaper while doing other cliche expat things when I stumbled across an add for a speed dating company.
I decided this would be a laugh if I could get my friend to tag along.
Firstly, I didn't know the exact name of the place, but had a google map which led to us going to the wrong place first, which was good seeing as it was far too upmarket for our, arguably, scruffy asses.
Obviously my reserved English upbringing forced me to move on, but that’s just the way it is these days.
Understandably, these were older women (anyone who knows Russian women, knows that they go a bit insane if they’re not married at like 24) and consequently were probably looking for some financially stable oligarch of 35 with a good sense of humor, fat wallet and a wang that could take an eye out.
I, alas, am not these things but despite that, I did get one match.Of course, the problem is that my match was an accident.Hell, the guy could have got out of the car and fucked her right there on the street and I’d have still awkwardly pretended I didn’t see what was transpiring. Knock on the window and demand she stop giving him head?While my ex-farmer friend headed off to the bathroom to completely soak and wring dry his shirt (he has even worse sweat issues than me and this is his anti-patch technique) I sat at the bar and ordered a beer and a water.Each ‘date’ was ten minutes which was short, but in fairness, I could have come to the same decision in three minutes.I talked a fair bit of shit I suppose and was asked a lot of the same questions, which is to be expected.